Only read a few paragraphs tonight in the PTSD book and believe I will say a few things. The following from two or three sentences of the portion just read. And for the present, these thoughts, too, will go unedited.

Just when you think things are generally understandable, trauma may often be something that happens to change one’s entire course of life. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Whatever it is that may happen, you no longer feel in control…..you feel vulnerable…..difficult to make sense of things…..the meaning of life as you recognized just a short time ago now is gone. Your sense of reality has been altered: feelings, thoughts, relationships, behaviors, attitudes, dreams, hopes. Gee, might that not be everything? Yet, it can be a way for the survivor to find a new purpose in life. A new direction. It “can” be. It “may” be. It might be. For the fortunate. For those not stricken too severely and with some sense of reality.

Like a refugee, “they” have exited the land of hurt and loss. They want to get on with their life. The journey, though, is long. The backpack they carry is heavy. It is weighted down by their particular issues. Whether right or wrong, and undoubtedly not parallel, I like to refer to this ‘backpack’ as their thorn in the flesh. It is what they have been given. Or they have been gifted with. They have been found worthy and capable of living with whatever it is. We all have something or other, some issue. No one is immune. Sort of like the Scripture, “There is NONE righteous, no not one.” In this case, for ‘righteous’ substitute perfect. (Pronoun switch, since fortunately only a sub-group has been affected by trauma.)

Sort of like a crossroads in the path of their life. Two choices: they can turn around and head back to the world of trauma or they can go on. Can they persevere? In my last post, I mentioned the qualities of perseverance and persistence as being grueling. They do take a toll on one’s body. To go on requires great effort. It is difficult. I really doubt one can fathom the effort this takes unless they have been on the receiving end of a traumatic experience. It is something wished on no one.

Nevertheless, it would be true that the grass is greener on the other side. The sun looks shinier, clouds appear fuller. With a greater sense of appreciation they can view the world and those they love. So trauma can be seen, then, as both warping and reshaping their worldview. But not only that. It permits them to see things in a whole new light, with a sense of gratitude like no other.

Several excerpts to mention:

New insights into the mind-body connection and the impact of trauma on all aspects of living.
The effects of trauma are seen as an injury, not a disorder.
Injuries need not be visible to be real and this would help destigmatize the wounds suffered (by numerous combat veterans).

Anyway, recently have been pondering more introspectively whether to persist with my writing and research. It takes me so long, yet like all other things I have done in the past, I will persist. At the urging of my family, they have helped me reason that writing is something I love. So what if (all but this post) I must pre-write every word to make it cohesive and it takes a long time? So what if I have to read and reread and reread every word and sentence to make sure it flows? So what if I usually need to find a time and place to work unhindered, or distraction-free?

This book to which I’m referring that came today helps to legitimize my contention that the effects of said trauma are lingering, they are life-long. As the research in my debut book showed, a brain injury is permanent as opposed to a broken bone which heals. Other research books indicate that their former self passed away at the moment of injury. Their normal life was no more, and a new life, a new existence was born. Undoubtedly, to some extent one can recover. For lack of a better word, are not all these ‘victims’ overcomers? By God’s grace, they have beaten the odds. Their new life has begun.

And this new injured life would encompass – and accompany – all aspects of their life. Their new life, over time, would have to be learned or relearned and dealt with. It would be a marvel that many of these injured would be able to adapt. This adaptation, however, would be in real time and often this can be perplexing for them.

I agree with the premise of the injury being an injury but have yet to see how this relates with PTSD, for I think for the soldiers it would be a disorder and also an injury. That will require more reading for further analysis.

That the wounds need not be visible to be real implies it as being an invisible injury. Which may be fine if they have a physical impairment. This may help them further explain it. But like my friend James Clary and multiple therapists and physicians would know, sometimes brain injuries can occur minus any physical liabilities. This magnifies the problem. Outsiders have no idea what is up. Physically they seem fine, yet paranormal (or abnormal) behaviors are occurring. If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times. Cognitively (short-term memory; delayed processing speed, misunderstandings of speech and being understood); physically; emotionally (mood swings); perceptually (balance and spatial issues); behaviorally (personality disorder, ADD, aggression); grief and loss – they appear as a “different person”.

So this next book I am working on will take some time to put together, but I believe it will be a valuable asset. That it will be helpful and my endeavors blessed by the Lord would be my goal.

It took a long time- but am so thankful. Miss Amy had to keep pausing her thoughts as I tried to write nearly every detail and insight of our conversation verbatim. Took a lot of time, we spent over 75 minutes on the phone. Often before I wrote her insights down, I’d forget the gist. Fortunately she remembered what she had said and could remind me. I appreciate her patience with me as I kept having to lay the cell phone down to scribble notes. We discussed several books that might be helpful for me in my research, both tbi and ptsd….as well as other sources she’s sent me. She has been working on a debut novel and it is going to be so interesting. Can’t wait. Amy really helped when we talked about narrowing (the) book’s focus and considering the audience. What is its purpose?

What are the odds? Excited to have contacted the author of a brain injury/PTSD story and gotten a response. Hopeful we can collaborate some ideas as we work on other projects.

A few opportunities to mention this week. Received second edition of debut book back from publisher professionally edited. Printed a copy of it at Staples for easy reference, and son Andrew also showed me how to drag both the online version and the separate Word doc of it onto the screen.

Also very exciting this week to have finished all the preparations for a unique opportunity that has come up. Without saying too much, just to say I appreciate being a part and hopeful things will go smoothly. As for now, at least, it may be better to keep it anonymous.

Busy day just ending. In prayer most of the day for my friend in California. Thank you, Jesus! Believing in miracles: that he and his marriage (reconciled) would be one of them.

Tate Publishing sent an email today. Their editing of my manuscript to begin in a few days. Sounds like I’ve got a really good agent, or manager, who will help me get my ducks in a row. She’ll call me within a week, I think. For now, focusing on cover design.

Be ye cleansed of evil. What an excellent morning. Accompanied by Pastor Paul Cords in the attempt to remove the points from my driving record. We’d taken the proper steps, other than my paying my fine/ticket in advance. (Wanted to get-er-done.) Forgot to print something. After running back to his office, he fixed me up and told me what to say. The second time at the courthouse, got called by #5. Number 6 had seen us the first time, though, and knew what was up. So waited a moment for her. She’ll deliver the paperwork to the (relatively new) judge. Hoping he’ll be lenient.

Inadvertently drove on the wrong road halfway to see the doctor then. Had to make time, able to find the right route. Happy to have sailed through most of the traffic lights. Appointment with my neuropsychiatrist went well. So good to be around Miss Kerry. Had a great appointment.

Last but not least, back to the church, Crossroads, to pick up some groceries I’d left there and forgotten. Ready for some football now with my youngins.

So appreciate Pastor Paul Cords, Crossroads Baptist Church. He’s helped me through the process of getting a ticket a few weeks back and how to handle the points on my license. At an appointment today, we gathered the appropriate materials for filing a complaint against an officer. Looks like I’ve went through the proper channels thus far. Happy to comment that he’ll accompany me to the courthouse and sheriff’s office tomorrow to take care of things.

It has been awhile, so it’s time to catch you up to speed. Been in frequent contact with my friend in California. James’ TBI implications, or effects, plague him in a different way, unfortunately. It seems he has no physical impediments; his deal would be all neurological – or cognitive. Must hinder him emotionally, to say the least: to be walking around all fine but with a scrambled brain. No one can really understand, unless their background is medical or they’ve walked in our shoes. One of the few dozen books I’ve read this year is, in fact, of a brain injury survivor who was a physician. Very interesting. Hoping to visit with James at some point and do some presentations.

Encouraging to see my friends’ response when they receive one of my books. Most are like, “Wow, can’t believe it.” A kind lady at school this morning, Erica, seemed very enthused. A handful of my friends have said they’ve seen the book trailer video. The website for it, again: http://youtu.be/LF1yAVKb1UE.

Not sure whether I revealed on this site what is up, most currently. In addition to my second brain injury project and the overwhelming amount of research, I recently submitted the text and ideas for the book cover I had for the second edition of ‘Till Death Do Us Part.’

Good capitalized with the intent to refer to God is good….all the time. Busy day: youngest started Girl Scouts after school. Seems to be a good-behavior incentive. A lot of research for my next writing project. Makes me so thankful to have improved as far as I have. It’s like look around, enjoy the beauty you see with your eyes and the privilege it is to be alive. Interesting comment on a previous post on the blog here and happened to call the gentleman this morning. A closed brain injury, as well. Allegedly no physical impairments; his are more neurological and cognitive. Sounds like his emotions get the best of him at times. Struggles with depression and negative thoughts. (And Dana and a lot of my family thought it was just me and my tendency towards pessimism.) Please pray for my friend. Don’t believe sharing his name here would be unwelcome: James. It would be a God-thing for his marriage to be restored and his estranged wife to be overcome by grace, compassion, love, and understanding. That is definitely how I’m interceding. I’ve seen first-hand this God-thing in my own life. Matthew 19:26 keeps coming to mind: “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Grace, grace. God’s grace. We need it now.